eternaldivide | Week 3 | 2amish After Execution

[He answers...quickly. So not only awake, but not even tired.]

Mithos-kun...? [You are not who he expected. Granted, he's not sure who he expected. His hand is healed now. Half of the nurse squad still draws breath, after all.] You okay?

[ The fact that Minato answered doesn't surprise him. The way he broke down he was either going to be passed out from all that, or be wide awake. ]

Hey ... [ Yeah Mithos isn't still quite sure why he's here but-- ] I'm fine. I think you're the one that most people are concerned about. Are you feeling any better?

[That is the usual divide on Minato's nights. He's either wide awake or dead asleep.]

Yeah. Hand's fixed. [He steps aside, wordlessly inviting Mithos in. It's not like these compartments are terribly large, but sitting on the bed is bound to be more comfortable than standing in the doorway.

He does furrow his brow a bit, though. He doesn't believe Mithos is fine.]

[ Better than Mithos' sleep schedule, really. But we're not here to talk about that. ]

That's good ...

[ Mithos steps inside and into the room. He'll just... casually be ignoring Minato's expression there. ]

That was a bit reckless of you. But, of course, it's not the first time we've seen it, has it...

[Hmmmm we're gonna talk about that eventually. Later. Not right now. Is an ambiguous 'later' good?]

Guess so.... Don't get why... [Headshake.] Sorry you had to see that.

[ Hmmmm Mithos would rather talk about it Never but whenever Minato brings it up it'll happen? ]

... I fail to see what you don't get. How could that have been anything but reckless, unless you meant something else.

[ Mithos shakes his own head ]

And I'm not the one you need to apologize to. I think there are others here you ought to apologize to more than me.

Not that. [Hahahaha this is the thing Minato would rather talk about Never but here we go.] Don't get why anyone cares. No one did before.

[ Mithos is ... quiet for a moment before he responds again ]

I'm sure you have reason to think that. I don't know your history, and I'm not going to ask. But it's the same as everyone else here. They don't, or didn't, know it either, so all they see instead is someone who recklessly puts himself in danger and thinks about others before himself. Someone who has considered everyone's feelings even though we were nothing but strangers. The way you're so hurt by all this ... they see that good heart in you and want to help.

And that's why they care, Minato. You haven't given them any reason not to care. And you shouldn't go taking that for granted.

Edited 2019-08-04 03:56 (UTC)

[He frowns, troubled. No one ever needed to know his last before. Some did, some didn't, but for the most part everywhere he went, every time he moved, it was always the same. Although, knowing what he does now...

Maybe this train is the first place he's gone that he's actually been free. That's depressing... Less so when he thinks of a different way. Maybe the people here are the first since the crash to be completely unaffected by his presence and the outside influence that went with it.]

I'm not....the kind of person people can care about... [It's an empty argument, more habit. Because this is what he believes. What he's had to believe. But Towa had rejected it, too.] Not someone anyone should.

[ Mithos bristles a little at that response ]

Did you not just listen to a single word I said? You've already been cared about here. The whole time! The fact that you refuse to see it is selfish.

[ He shakes his head ]

It's not a matter of should. If you shouldn't be cared about then I should be saying the same thing, shouldn't I? Because I'm not the kind of people can care about back in my world either! But here I've accepted that things aren't the same, and I've grown to accept that there are people who care here despite the reason back home. Why can't you do the same?

[Selfish.

Minato instantly reels, like he's been struck. And then....curls forward, hands gripping at his elbows. Selfish. Why...? Why is it never enough? Responsibility for his actions....

A failure in every sense, it seems.]

I-I.... I'm sorry...

[For failing. For being selfish. For surviving. For every breath he's taken.]

[ He...definitely hit a nerve there. Mithos isn't sure which nerve he hit, as the apologize doesn't give him much to work with, but it's definitely something. He's quiet for a moment before he speaks again. ]

You... can apologize. But if I don't know what you're apologizing for, I can't tell you whether or not I forgive.

[ It almost hurts to say those words, but Mithos is so far beyond forgiving Humans right now he needs that reason.

... And maybe Minato does, too. ]

[He should have known... It couldn't be long before everyone figured out he's not worth it. For one reason or another. He's lost track of how many times it's happened before.

He is Unwanted.

There's a long pause, while he forces himself to stop shaking, forces his expression back to neutral. He's a master of it. No one needs to see his stupid, selfish feelings, or bother themselves with his troubles. When he does reply - his voice is steady, but cold, tired, and empty. Not devoid of emotion, exactly....just devoid of hope.]

Everything. I'm sorry I'm still here. I'm sorry I'm still screwing up.

[And then he looks up at Mithos, and, of all things, smiles.]

I'm sorry I didn't off myself back on Tuesday, when the motive was given. Might've spared Eliza-chan the trouble.

[ This time it's Mithos that looks like he's been struck. He takes a step back and shakes his head, before he finds that his whole body is shaking from this. He clenches his fists. ]

Why are you being so stupid?! No one said anything about wanting you to die! Killing yourself wouldn't have done a damn thing except hurt everyone else around you! Why are you still failing to understand that people care about you here? If you had done that what do you think Eliza would have thought? She'd be alive, but she'd be hurt that all her efforts to help you were in vain. Is that something you wish would've happened instead?

[ He pauses and his face falls before he finds himself laughing a little. It's a cold, bitter laugh, and the words he says after are the same. ]

I can't forgive you Humans anymore. Yet ... I wish more were like you, Minato. If more Humans cared less about themselves maybe I wouldn't have lost ...

[ He stops talking. There's a silence before he lifts his head and looks at Minato with a neutral expression. Yet his eyes betray the expression as they're filled with nothing but sorrow. ]

But to care so little about yourself ... Without giving people a reason to stop caring first, wouldn't killing yourself be the cruelest thing you can do to their hearts? Do you think the people here would be able to take that?

[Stupid. Hurtful. Failing. Unforgivable. Cruel.

Ah.]

Selfish if I live, selfish if I die... Really am a curse, then.

[Ris had been angry, and RGB too. How could they not be? After how selfish he's been...he'd forgotten his place.

Minato is still wearing that awful, despairing smile as he meets Mithos's eye. The younger teen is right to hate him.]

What would make you happy?

... Heheh. Well, most Humans are. But ... normally not in the way you are.

[ In fact Minato is this odd mix of selfish and yet so selfless to Mithos that he can't seem to understand it. But as Minato asks what would make him happy his face falls, his bangs covering his eyes. ]

What would make me ... happy?

[ Another bitter laugh escapes him. ]

Nothing. There's nothing. You Humans took away the one thing that truly made me happy. There is ... no such thing as true happiness now.

[ He pauses, before shaking his head. He lifts his head and gives Minato a neutral expression. ]

I think ... the question you need to ask yourself is what would make you happy. Unless, like me, you feel almost nothing but emptiness inside. As I have nothing but a sliver a hope that someone else gave me.

Edited 2019-08-05 23:44 (UTC)

[He really does sound just like Ken. Minato can barely stand it.]

Long as you're....not planning a murder-suicide. Not like him... Hope is good. Even a little will get you pretty far.

[Mithos is an incredibly strong kid, and minato is sure he'll be able to achieve whatever it is he wants. He hopes it's nothing destructive. But then...]

Me, happy? [Like he's asking about aliens. He used to be empty like what Mithos means. He's been so scared of backsliding.] Don't care about being happy....don't deserve to be. Just want my world to-- ...

And give the Humans what they want? Hah ... No, I have other plans in mind. They'll learn to regret the decisions that they've made--

[ Mithos seems to realize what he's said and takes a few steps back in his mind before replying to Minato again. He smiles, this time a sympathetic one. As if that bitterness never showed. ]

You may not think so, but others around here do. Again, Minato, there's several people who care about you. If not your happiness, what would you like to give them in return? ... Your life isn't an answer.

[ He then raises an eyebrow at the last bit ]

Your world...?

Revenge? [There's horror in the word - horror in a resigned way, the confirmation of something he suspected but didn't dare voice.] ....Earth has a saying. "When you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves".

[But he lets Mithos drop the topic and take up the one Minato likes less. Actually, no he doesn't, he skips right along past thinking about what he "would like", to a topic he still doesn't want but at least it's not about him wanting things so selfishly.]

....My world is doomed, Mithos-san. My fault. The coming end can no longer be stopped.

... They've already been dug.

[ But that's the last thing Mithos is going to say on that subject. After that he's quiet for a moment. Ah ... so that explains so much of what he's learned about Minato. And in fact, Mithos seems... confused. ]

If that's the case then ... Your reactions to the motives and ... people's death. Those aren't reactions that you'd see from someone who've stopped caring. You might've stopped caring about yourself and yet you still care so much about others.

... How? How do you do that?

[He was afraid he'd say that... But they're moving on. They can circle back, unless Mithos storms out on him.

How....does he answer that...]

...Year ago, I didn't care. About anything at all. Hadn't in years. But then I was asked to fight. My power....derives from bonds, so it started just as a way to fight better. Don't know when I started really caring again.

Know there's a lot of bad in the world. Can look in any history book, or just out the window, and see why there are so many who welcome the end. ...But there's also people who jump in to help immediately if they see a stranger collapse. Kids doing what they can to support their parents. People struggling to find ways to make up for their mistakes. People on their deathbeds searching for meaning in their lives. ...People who give their lives trying to protect people who hate them, people fighting to help a world that'll never know or appreciate their efforts - a world that, for one reason or another, cast them aside.

It's brutal. It's ugly. It's unforgiving of any flaw. And maybe the world deserves the end, but I don't.... I can't see that. Been told everyone, on some level, longs for death and the end of suffering, but....all I see are people fighting with everything in them to live.

So I can't... I can't not. Not anymore.

[ Mithos listens, and for a moment it's okay. He knows all of this is true deep down. Despite seeing all the ugly in his world he has seen ... a few good things. Most of it not directed at him, but things he's seen from the sidelines.

Then his eyes widen before his drops his head.

"People who give their lives trying to protect the people who hate them--"

Every word of that sentence, and every word beyond that hurt. It's all Mithos and his sister tried to do. Help a world that hated them and cast them aside all their lives. And in the end ...

By the time Minato is actually done speaking Mithos was shaking as he holds himself. ]

... All the world ever told us was how much we shouldn't exist. That we should suffer or die. But we fought against those words and fought for peace. We ended the war. But ... none of that mattered. In the end I still lost the one happiness I had. The one I cared most about.

[ His voice is small and broken as he speaks. There's a pause before he speaks again. ]

... I get it now. Why you hate yourself. But ... to still care? Even though the world despises you?

[ His voices grows even quieter ]

If they don't care about you living, why care about them if you have nothing left?

Edited 2019-08-07 17:17 (UTC)

[He's quiet for a time, processing Mithos's words and choosing his own.]

Because giving up on other people just causes more suffering, for everyone.

[People are connected to others, no matter how hard they might try not to be. That kind of feeling spreads, and drags everyone into the abyss.]

Because caring is what I have left.

[He realized it a long time ago - he isn't someone others care about. So he stopped caring about himself, too. Because that's how he survived. He could never become someone others would want - but he could stop being the things they didn't.]

...because if the problem is me, then it doesn't have to be anyone else.

[ Mithos is silent for a moment. Eventually he lifts his head. His eyes are glistening from the tears in his eyes. He smiles bitterly before he speaks. ]

Do you know how strong you have to be to do that? To care not of your suffering, but of others? To make that the reason you still exist? To allow yourself to be hated for others?

[ The smile disappears as the tears come falling. There's nothing but despair in his voice when he speaks again. ]

My sister did the same thing! All she did was care for everyone but herself because as much as the world hated her she loved it! She put her own suffering aside so she could help and change the world! But what did the world do? They killed her!

[ He's cried about this enough times the past week. But seeing Martel in someone like Minato hurt. He doesn't know when the conversation turned around to him. But somehow it did as he finds himself struggling to stay upright. ]

How can I forgive and care for a world that took her away from me?

[None of this is surprising, except maybe that Mithos is talking about it. All for one reason.]

Really are.....just like Ken-kun. Was after revenge, too. For his mother.

[Information for information, right? Mithos can pursue that, if he likes, but for now....he needs something. Answers. Comfort. Guidance.

He needs to grieve.]

...making humans suffer isn't going to help you. [Just like getting revenge wouldn't have helped Ken.] Can't claim to know what your sister would want, but I think you do. What she'd do, if you were the one who left her behind.

Not....trying to say you can't be angry, or that you need to move on. Not how it works. But... ["Let your anger be your strength" doesn't seem like what Mithos needs to hear. He'd asked a question. How...]

Think....if I were in your position.... Would want to protect what the one important to me loved.

[ Mithos' eyes widen when Minato brings up Ken and his mom. That again.... ]

His... mother..?

[ Just ... how much similarity does he have with this Ken? Not that is matters, in the end.

For a moment Mithos is quiet before he speaks again. ]

Her last wish ... was for the world to become a place where elves, humans, and those who were stuck in-between could all live in peace. She ... she would've kept with her wish.

[ He knows that. And he does intend to grant her wish. To make the world a place for them to live ... ]

So then ... I'll protect that wish. A world for me and my sister ... I'll fulfill it.

[ He doesn't seem to acknowledge the whole point Minato made about Humans does he. Only his Sister. ]

[He notices that. Hmm...that's. Not good?]

Sounds like she wanted a world where everyone could be happy, regardless of race.

[He doesn't want to push it, but...he does slightly emphasize the word 'regardless'. Hopefully he won't have to be more direct.]

Ken-kun.... His mother was murdered. Protected him - he saw the whole thing. But because he was a child, and because of the circumstances, no one would believe him. Listen to him. Even talk to him about it. And.... Japan's not really friendly to orphans... Can't blame him for being angry.

It's ... what we were striving for. Before her death. A world where... everyone could be happy ...

[ Regardless of race ... hmm ... Well, that aside, hearing Ken's story Mithos' eyes soften with sympathy. ]

Is that so ... Just like my sister, his mother was killed right before his eyes. And simply because he was an orphan they didn't listen ... Just like how the King wouldn't listen to my sister and I when we were warning them of an attack and ... the Kingdom was destroyed.

... I can't blame him for being angry, either. The only difference between him and I is that ... she was killed and they didn't listen. For us ... they didn't want to listen. When we finally got them to end the war ... she was killed by those who still wanted the mana for themselves.

[ But either way the end result is the same. Someone they loved was killed by Humans, and their selfishness got in the way of their happiness in some way. ]

Week 3 | 2amish After Execution

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cw: s....suicidal talk?? idk the exact term i want here

cw: suicide talk yeah we'll stick with that

Minato is Unhealthy: the thread

Minato honey .... though really is Mithos much better

Mithos isn't apologizing for not killing himself?

Nah Mithos just has ... a bunch of other Issues

Familiar ones!

Indeed!!

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